


Of Dysphoria and Drapery

by FemslashAndPeridot



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Actually Ridiculously Fluffy And Gay, Aged-Up Character(s), Body Dysphoria, Domestic Fluff, F/F, Polyamory, Sharing Clothes, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Natsuki, also please dont ask which universe this is set in bc I Don't Know!, everyone knows equipping ur partners clothes gives +10 defense against the dysphoria status effect, honeyz i hope u dont mind me using this tag bc its a sentiment i STRONGLY agree with, if any of you trapsuki stans read this im obligated to pee on ur computer, up to college so i have an excuse for them living together and to not write about Supreme Bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 02:38:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17778995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FemslashAndPeridot/pseuds/FemslashAndPeridot
Summary: Yuri blinks up at her in surprise, before turning a delightful shade of pink.“Y- You’re wearing my sweater.” It’s not a question. Sayori tilts her head and makes a thoughtful noise.Natsuki freezes.Shit.~~~Or, Natsuki has a rough day, and her girlfriends are there to support her.





	Of Dysphoria and Drapery

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because 1) i wanted to write about trans natsuki and dysphoria is something i can identify with on some level! 2) i wanted to write polyamorous ddlc stuff 3) i wanted to write something that included my headcanon of natsuki being a clothes stealing whore, which i say with the absolute highest level of endearment ever.  
> i definitely wouldn't have been able to finish writing this without the support and love and beta reading from my girlfriends! they're the best!!!!! shout out to both of u <3  
> i did not write this specifically FOR valentines day, but seeing as this is incredibly gay and it is the season for romance, i figured it would make a nice gift! hope you all enjoy.

The day starts off well enough. Granted, being woken up in the morning is never particularly fun, but the tradeoff is more than worth it. For Natsuki’s trouble, she gets to share a lovely breakfast with her girlfriends and goodbye kisses before they all head off their respective ways; Monika and Yuri to their morning classes, Sayori back to her room to sleep, and Natsuki to her room to get ready for her day.

Natsuki is not aware that it’s going to be a bad day until it's staring back at her in the mirror. There’s nothing objectively wrong with the outfit she’s chosen for the day. She would have been willing to call it _cute_ , even, if she was in a good mood. The fluffy feeling from earlier this morning has faded, however, and something sour is settling in the back of her mouth.

She knows these clothes _should_ suit her. She’d been the one to pick them out, for Christ’s sake. The girls had made a day of it and everything. When she looks in her reflection, though, all she can see is how flat her chest is and how overly sharp her angles are and they just look _wrong_. She feels wrong.

She feels a wave of nausea and dread brewing in her stomach. Is this how people see her?

She scowls and looks away. Whatever. Whatever! She’s sure she can find an outfit that will work. She grits her teeth with determination and huffs. She can make it work. It’s fine.

~~~

She can not make it work and it is not fine. After stubbornly sifting through her wardrobe for _something_ for the better part of a half hour, she knows she has to admit defeat on that. Natsuki collapses back onto her bed with a groan and presses the balls of her hands into her eyes. Her eyes are starting to sting and she knows, _she knows_ , that that is a precursor to crying, and she doesn’t _want_ to cry over this. This is her brain being stupid and it’s really not her fucking fault that her hormones are decisively not on her side.

She removes her hands from her eyes, splaying out fully onto the bed, and sighs. Of course this kind of dilemma would happen on a day where she needs to Go Out and Do Things. She’s faintly thankful that her classes don’t start as early as Monika’s or Yuri’s. An incident like this before breakfast would’ve seasoned this morning’s interactions with a bitter taste, and if anything that would’ve made her feel worse.

She looks at the time. Ugh. She’s gonna be late to her lecture if she doesn’t just… _pick an outfit_.

Natsuki gets up from the bed, sighing heavily as she trudges towards her closet. She’d hoped she could get this part of her day over and done with quickly so she could get to read some manga this morning, but it looks like that’s not gonna happen.

In her brooding, she almost trips over a t-shirt that Sayori has left on the floor, _again_. She grumbles a little to herself as she picks it up. Goddammit. Sayori had her own room, how the _hell_ did her clutter manage to travel all the way here? Did it migrate whenever Sayori was feeling gayer than usual and wanted to sleep in someone else’s bed? It’s not like anyone else would use her clothes.

Wait. Natsuki pauses and considers the shirt. Maybe…?

She glances around to see if anyone else is here to witness her. Then feels a little silly. Sayori was all but dead to the world when asleep, and the other girls were definitely out of the house by now.

She lifts the shirt and sniffs it. She still has standards, after all.

It doesn’t smell particularly musty, it just smells… for lack of a better term, sunny, with a hint of manufactured orange, the kind they put in build-a-bears. Like Sayori.

Natsuki shrugs to herself. It’s probably fine, then. She pulls it on over her head and returns to the mirror.

The shirt hangs looser on her than the rest of the clothing she’s tried on today, and it makes it ever so slightly easier to ignore the features that made her feel so _wrong_ before. Natsuki nods to herself. This is an improvement. The gears start turning in her head, and an idea comes to mind.

~~~

Natsuki looks at herself in the mirror, fiddling with the hem of the sweater on the newer outfit that she’s picked out for herself. Said sweater is almost certainly Yuri’s- it smells too strongly of the essential oils she likes to diffuse around the house to _not_ be, and, well, it’s also a couple of sizes too big, but it’s hardly her fault that Yuri is so tall. Besides, it’s a nice colour; a rich purple. The neckline is cut a little too low for comfort, but that’s easily covered with a white scarf she found rummaging around in Monika’s laundry. Conveniently, this also covers up the fact that she's wearing Sayori's shirt. The pink ruffled skirt is hers though, as are the knee-high socks and sneakers. It’s easier to find tops in her girlfriend’s wardrobes that fit well enough to pass as her own clothing than bottoms. Funny, considering the opposite is true of her girlfriends.

She looks… decent. Not perfect, but acceptable, and this is the most comfortable she’s felt in clothing all day.

Natsuki takes a deep breath. An odd blend of smells, lavender and cinnamon and oranges- all wonderful and things she associates with her girlfriends. The knot of tension in her chest unravels slightly, and she finds herself smiling.

Yes. She nods to herself with determination. This will do fine. This is safe.

~~~

The thrill of having her own place to come to at the end of the day had not grown old to Natsuki. As comforting as the gay armour she had compiled for herself was, walking through the door to her shared apartment, where she knew she was safe, felt like taking a large weight off her shoulders.

“I’m home!” she calls out, taking off her shoes.

“Welcome hooooooome~!” Sayori greets her loudly from the living room, Yuri echoing her at a more reasonable volume. Natsuki frowns, filing her sneakers next to the others at the door.

“Monika not home yet?” she asks, straightening and starting to unwrap said girl’s scarf.

“No, she got held up by some classmates at her last lecture,” Yuri says. Natsuki pauses to sigh, shaking her head. In an ideal world, Monika would’ve been home by now, but the girl did love to chat.

“She said she’d buy Chinese on the way home to make up for it though!” Sayori adds cheerily. Natsuki perks up.

“Hell yeah!”

She hangs the scarf on the door hook and turns to enter the living room.

Sayori is sprawled over the couch and Yuri’s lap. Yuri doesn’t seem too fussed about the situation, seemingly having abandoned her book to talk with their shared girlfriend.

“Softies,” Natsuki remarks, a grin betraying her affection.

“You bet!” Sayori winks, flicking her a finger gun.

Yuri blinks up at her in surprise, before turning a delightful shade of pink.

“Y- You’re wearing my sweater.” It’s not a question. Sayori tilts her head and makes a thoughtful noise.

Natsuki freezes. _Shit_. Can’t play that off. She mentally cycles through the possible excuses she could use as to why before she lands on a good one- complete evasion of the topic. She quickly pulls the sweater off over her head and flings it over her shoulder.

“Not anymore,” She says with a cocky grin, briskly heading past the couch in the direction of her room. Yuri opens her mouth as if to argue but quickly closes it with a frown.

That would probably be the end of it if it weren’t for- “Hey~, isn’t that my shirt?”

… Sayori piping up from Yuri’s lap, a mischievous grin on her face. Natsuki halts in her tracks, turning red. _Double shit_.

“Ok, listen,” She turns back to where the other two are seated, and then sighs, running a hand through her hair. “Listen. I have my reasons.”

Silence reigns for a moment. Yuri is probably waiting for her to elaborate. Natsuki is reluctant to continue the train of thought at all. Sayori cuts in again, muttering, “... Damn. I was hoping I could get you to take off the shirt.”

The tension is effectively broken. Natsuki chokes on her own spit. Yuri chuckles.

“Shameless. You’re absolutely shameless.” She ruffles Sayori’s hair fondly. Sayori, the fucker, has the audacity to look pleased about it. Then Yuri is looking Natsuki over, in the critical way she sometimes does when forming a retort.

“Natsuki…” Yuri sighs, “If it’s something you don’t want to talk about, we’re not going to force you to. Just know that we’re more than willing to listen if you do.” She smiles apprehensively.

Ah. Well. That. Hm. Suddenly the immediate desire to escape this situation has dissolved. Natsuki feels herself relax a little.

“Can I… sit?” Natsuki gestures at the couch. Sayori and Yuri share a look, and then Sayori is sitting up and patting the space between them. Natsuki settles in, rubbing her arm sheepishly.

Yuri starts up again; “A-are you quite su-”

“Yes!” Natsuki snaps, then flinches, “Sorry. Yes. I’m going to talk about it.” She grabs at the edge of her skirt nervously and inhales.

“I just… this morning wasn’t… good. Not because of you three, I lo-” Natsuki stops herself and coughs, blushing down at her lap, ”Liked! I liked spending time with you three this morning. I just, you know. Today was...” She gestures at herself, laughs nervously, “You know! One of those days where you just, you look in the mirror and you just…” She exhales roughly, “You… you don’t? Look right? Like, you’re not curvy or soft enough and you just... I don’t know. Words are… this is hard.”

They don’t say anything, but Sayori leans into her slightly, and Yuri places a hand on her knee, so she thinks they’re still with her. Natsuki sighs and trudges onward.

“I wasn’t feeling great, is the point. So doing this was kind of like, having you guys with me in some way? And, you know, you all make me feel… safe, and loved, and I know you want to support me with this kind of thing, so. I still don’t feel right, but this, like, helped? With that? Yeah.” Her arms fold themselves. Natsuki knows avoiding eye contact is bad, but she doesn’t know what kind of expression will be on her girlfriend’s faces, and that scares her.

“‘Suki…” Sayori mumbles, nudging Natsuki’s shoulder, “Can we hug you?”

A feeling of relief blooms in her and she nods. Almost immediately, she’s scooped up by Sayori, and after a moment’s hesitation, Yuri joins them. If just wearing their clothes was comfortable, then this moment, surrounded by their warmth and scents and _love_ , was like turning that comfort up to 11.

“Thank you for telling us, sweetheart. I’m glad we could help in some way,” Yuri murmurs, running a hand through Natsuki’s hair. Natsuki leans into the touch.

Sayori nods. “Yeah! It was, uh…” Sayori flounders for a moment, and turns to Yuri, “What’s that word for when someone does something and it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside?”

“Endearing?” Yuri offers.

“Mmh! Endearing,” Sayori repeats, before pressing a kiss to Natsuki’s cheek. “You were very endearing, ‘Suki,” She whispers.

Natsuki thinks she feels herself melt a little bit.

“Yes... and if I may be honest, dear, I thought you looked lovely in my sweater. I… Well, I wouldn’t be opposed to you borrowing my clothes again, if you wanted to,” Yuri quietly admits, a blush creeping up her cheeks.

“Mhm!! Pretty girlfriend…” Sayori coos, holding Natsuki closer.

“Pretty girlfriend,” Yuri hums in agreement, lightly kissing the top of Natsuki’s head.

Oh, god, her ears are burning. It’s official, Natsuki is melting and turning into a puddle. Fuck, she’s so _gay_.

“... you’re being embarrassing, nerds,” She mutters, a matter of defensive habit, hunching her shoulders.

“Oh, is this too much?” Yuri asks, pausing in her stroking of Natsuki’s hair.

“Yeah, do you want us to stop?” Sayori pulls back, giving Natsuki a little space. Natsuki falters.

“I... No? Yes? No. I don’t knowwwwww,” Natsuki groans, hiding her face in Yuri’s hair and earning a giggle from Sayori.

“That’s ok~, we’ll take care of you,” Sayori chirps, nuzzling into Natsuki’s neck.

Natsuki doesn’t whine, because whining is absolutely _not_ a thing she does, but she does make a high pitched noise that roughly translates to “I’m overwhelmed right now and I might just die of gay” and bury her face further into Yuri. Yuri exhales a laugh.

“We should probably ease off a tad, darling, Natsuki seems like she’s had enough,” Yuri says to Sayori, leaning over Natsuki’s head to plant a kiss on her nose.

There’s a vague not-quite-knocking at the door. More like a few kicks to the base of it, if Natsuki had to guess.

“I’m home! And I brought food!” Monika hollers. There’s a shuffling of boxes and jangling of keys with some very faint curse words mixed in.

“You good out there?” Sayori calls out. More agitated variants of the noises make their way through the door before Monika seemingly pauses in her struggle.

“Uh, a little help might be nice, actually,” Monika responds after a moment, sounding sheepish.

“Alright, give me a moment to untangle myself and I can come and join you,” Yuri says, starting to pull herself out of the group hug.

“Unta- Am I interrupting something?” Monika asks. Natsuki turns her head at just the right time to see Monika ~~delete~~ ~~clip through~~ wrestle open the door.

“Oh! Whoops, I… guess, I had it after all,” Monika laughs in surprise, sounding a little out of breath.

“Nice! You’re just in time for Natsuki loving hours,” Sayori exclaims cheerily.

“Oh, good! That’s one of my favourite times,” Monika grins, juggling the boxes of takeout so she can close the door.

“Looks like you’ve got your hands full there,” Natsuki finally weighs in, amused.

“Well, my heart is even more full, because I love you all so much,” Monika fires back, smile widening.

Sayori awws, while Natsuki reels at how quick her girlfriend is. Yuri is apparently in a similar boat, stuttering out a, “H-hey, you- that’s not fair…” as her face turns pink once more.

“Yeah! You just got in the door! How are we supposed to defend ourselves against that?!” Natsuki huffs, having recovered from her flustered moment. Yuri nods in agreement and- oh, it’s apparently Yuri’s turn to hide her face in someone's hair. The someone being Natsuki. This isn’t helping with the flustered thing.

“Ooo, did I get a critical hit? Score 1 for Monika,” Monika wiggles her eyebrows, setting the takeout down on the table. Natsuki rolls her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. What's it like being the cheesiest motherfucker on the planet?” She grumbles.

“Forever grateful that none of my partners are lactose intolerant,” Monika sighs, easing herself down onto Natsuki’s lap, which, naturally, sets Natsuki’s face on fire again. Stupid sexy girlfriend.

“I’ll have you know that I’m allergic to all forms of affection, thank you,” Natsuki quips, crossing her arms.

“Mmm, that would explain why your face is so red right now,” Sayori teases, poking Natsuki in the cheek. Natsuki makes a shooing motion at her, shushing her.

“Oh, poor thing,” Monika coos, lifting Natsuki’s chin, “Should I kiss it better?”

“Yes,” Sayori says without hesitation before Natsuki has a chance to absorb the question, outside of her instinctive desire to agree because Monika is using her sweet-talking voice. Not that it’s a weakness of hers! She just happens to forget how to think critically every time Monika uses it. Yeah. Pure happenstance.

“I was asking Natsuki, honey,” Monika giggles, turning to raise her eyebrows at Sayori, “Are you Natsuki?”

“No, but I _am_ gay, and I want to see my girlfriends kiss,” Sayori says, invoking big dick energy.

“Mmm, fair, but not your consent to give,” Monika lightly reminds her.

Natsuki’s brain is still lagging behind a bit, so her tsundere side doesn’t quite manage to kick in in time to stop her from saying “I’m also gay and would like a kiss,” but she’s not too upset about it. Especially since that nets her an, “Ok, cool,” and a toe-curling smooch from Monika. God, it’s good to be gay.

Monika ‘hm’s curiously. “I hate to ask, but is there a reason that it’s Natsuki loving hours? Besides the obvious fact that she’s incredible and a blessing in our lives,” Monika asks.

“Bad dysphoria day,” Yuri explains briefly. Monika’s face falls.

“Oh, honey… I’m sorry,” Monika apologises, at a loss for what to say to comfort her.

Natsuki shrugs and shifts uncomfortably. “Not your fault. I’m mostly feeling better now.”

“Yeah, Natsuki wore our clothes today~,” Sayori says in a singsong voice, jostling Natsuki as she pulls her into an even closer hug, “she says that helped.”

Monika gasps in delight. “Natsuki! You didn’t! Is that why my scarf is at the door?” Monika prods excitedly, eyes practically sparkling.

“... Maybe,” Natsuki mumbles sheepishly, sinking a little into her seat out of embarrassment. She didn’t think Monika had noticed.

“Natsukiiiii~! You’re a sap! I knew it!” Monika squeals, wrapping her arms around her in a hug.

“I'm not a sap,” Natsuki grumbles, despite relaxing in the holds of her girlfriends.

“You're definitely a sap,” Yuri chips in, a smile audible in her tone of voice. Natsuki bristles.

“I’m not a sap!” She reiterates indignantly. She can tolerate some mildly demeaning words, but “sap” is just patronising.

“Psh, you're so sappy, you're like a, a frickin’...” Sayori stumbles over her words for a second before she lands on, “a maple baby!” with a proud grin.

The statement hangs in the air for a confused moment, before everyone bursts into laughter.

“Sayori,” Monika says, still giggling, “Sayori, I love you so much, but what does that even _mean_ , oh my _god_.”

“It _means~_! Natsuki is sweet, and small, and adorable! And I love her.” Sayori chirps with a goofy smile.

“Ok, fuck you, it’s illegal to be that cute,” Natsuki pokes Sayori with feigned offense, trying not to smile herself.

“What, are you a cop? You gonna handcuff me or something?” Sayori goads, raising her eyebrows in challenge. Yuri lets out an undignified snort.

“Maybe later,” Natsuki lowers her voice, smirking a little.

That particular tidbit draws a chorus of interested ‘Oh?’s from her girlfriends.

“Maybe,” Natsuki reiterates, “just get down here so I can kiss you, doofus.”

Which Sayori does, and Natsuki cannot state enough how nice it feels to have someone smile against your lips. Shit, maybe she is a sap.

“You too,” Natsuki tugs on Yuri’s shirt. Yuri’s nose wrinkles in confusion.

“I don't _think_ I'm a doofus?” Yuri says slowly.

“Depends,” Monika hums. Yuri shoots her an unamused look. Natsuki rolls her eyes.

“Let me rephrase: You're cute. I’m gay. Please kiss me,” Natsuki states bluntly.

That earns her a peck on the lips. Nice.

“Happy?” Yuri asks.

“Very,” Natsuki sighs contentedly, “Thanks, all of you.”

Settled in with her girlfriends, surrounded by love, one thing is abundantly clear. This is good. This is safe. This is home.


End file.
